Hands and feets are all in line.

It's raining, it's pouring, I wish I could have been snoring. But I had to be in chapel.

Shit.

It was truly a blessing to have Bush's solid quarter present in chapel today. I hope the presence of their combined holiness enriched your experience as much as it did mine. [And we pretend church isn't about politics. . . .]

Honestly, I enjoyed having all the pastors present because seeing them all dressed up reminded me of all the tithe money spent buying the clothes on their backs. We're paying for their Lexuses, Armani suits, and gated-community homes, you know. Have you enjoyed their services enough to warrant an extra tip on the nightstand?

Another point of amusement came when His Holiness was guiding us through prayer [At least it wasn't a three hour tour. That's got to count for something.] at the end of the service and said something akin to, "Thanks for all the pastors who are here. It's because of them that many of us are here." Yeah. Thanks pastors for holding our hands all the way through the SNU Gate and never telling us about the four or five years of condescension, censorship, character manipulation, circular-reasoning, and unhealthy co-dependence we were fated to experience as a result of your coersion. [Make sure you fill in those blanks on your sermon notes.]

We confessed our sins again today. Three cheers for forced guilt! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Mr. Whiteside did a better-than-average job leading the music today. Props also to Ms. Anonymous Freshman Pianist. The this-is-a-very-serious-service-and-you-can-tell-because-I'm-playing-this-very-emotive-music-on-my-acoustic-guitar-and-singing-breathy-harmonies-with-this-girl-who-is-playing-piano mood was made manifest.

I always find it odd when "worship songs" include lines such as, "cradled in his [Jesus'] arms." Is this really the relationship we want to have with the divine? To be helpless, screaming, crying, pissing, teat-suckling children who need Jesus to come rescue us from the Big Bad World? I should certainly hope not. And if that is the shape you want your metaphysical "marraige" to take, I must ask what you think Jesus is saving you from.

Question: where do you find the time and emotional energy to serve Jesus if your primary concern is that of walking the tightrope [that the Chuch created after Jesus died]? Can you really be a worthy follower of Jesus if you are always riddled with guilt and spending all your time and effort trying to make sure you haven't screwed the pooch in the last five minutes? More power to you, Rapunzel.

Look out! Cannibals!

Don't get me wrong, I am very glad Nazarenes aren't as ass-backward about their communion as the Catholics. I mean, I enjoy sucking on my Savior and swallowing some Jesus juice as much as the next guy, but those Catholics have a tendency to take things a little too far. . . .

Oh, and thanks, Michelson, for leaving the bullshit at the door and reminding those of us who had forgotten that there is nothing magical about the communion experience. Like the rest of our lives, the situation is deviod of meaning unless we infuse it with such. The eucharist can be a powerful symbol, but it does not possess that quality inherently.

Here's a hint.

I sat in the mezzanine today, and when everyone stood to get in line to receive communion I could not for the life of me help but think of a bunch of homeless people getting in line to receive their welfare checks. Or maybe lemmings, flocking blindly en masse toward a precipice. One of those two, I'm not sure which.

And what of those few students who chose to buck the trend and not partake of the elements? "Well, if you feel that you're not in the right place with God, then the best thing you could be doing is reflecting on your journey and not taking communion." Thanks Holiness. I'm sure the few students who simply don't agree with the practice of communion and have made considerate, thoughtful decisions about the subject appreciated your condescension and backhanded ridicule. That'll draw them into the fold for sure. [Can they expect the same treatment from the conversion classes you're peddling this semester?]

Here's a thought: from now on you should offer wine with communion, in addition to grape juice. I'll put my $5 in and bet that even the filthiest heathens would take communion then. [Hi, I'll have a tall double holiness blood with an extra shot of pious, and two home-baked body wafers, please."

Be strong; only one more day until fall break. What? We have to go to chapel tomorrow too?

Shit.

"Keep near me and you will be safe."

Daedalus