Holy bronzeworks BatGod! Satan is on the loose again, trying to steal the Jesus statue! To the Batcopter! Urrrk! Pow! Blam! Kablooey! Biff!
Wow.
Once upon a time, there was a young boy named James. James grew up in a nice, Christian home in Ohio, enjoyed bringing cookies to his grandmother and playing with his dog, Kipper. One day his daddy brought home a magic guitar. James was immediately enchanted. Little did he know that the guitar's powers would doom him to become the worst chapel musician in history.
I mean, seriously? Seriously? I'm reasonably certain that church camp only happens during the summer and is only attended by horny thirteen-year-olds, so thanks for sending me back to my wonder years. [Excellence? Forward-thinking? Honesty? Well, I can't judge that last one. 33%.]
James. I'm sure you're a nice guy. I'm sure you have good intentions. I'm sure you'd probably be a lot of fun to have a beer with. I'm also sure that you're better than this. . . .
"You guys can clap if you want to." Yeah. . . .
Beam me up, Scotty.
In the case that you only heard the part of the sermon about appendage-less squirrels this morning, you missed out; Mr. Regester really had some great thoughts to offer.
Recap. Lesson one. God's will for your life is like a candle. If you light a candle in a dark room, you will only be able to see a few steps in front of you, and everything else will remain dim or shrouded in shadow. The same holds for God's will. If you ask God what she wants you to do in a specific situation, she'll only give you advice for the next step or two. Lesson two. From lesson one it follows that Christians should make an effort to live their lives in the present moment, not worrying about what adventures, surprises, and shenanigans are waiting around the next bend.
Good thoughts. First, I have long been of the opinion that the habit many Christians fall into of praying to God and asking for her advice about who to marry, which college to attend, whether to open a bank account or not, paper or plastic, and other related questions is absurd and entirely unnecessary. Such matters are either far too dependent on circumstance and practicality or far too trivial to warrant troubling the transcendental. Unless, of course, you're totally into having a super anal-retentive, meddling micro-manager for a deity. [The other explanation, and the more probable one, is that people simply enjoy the lack of effort and thought that is required when someone else is telling them what to do. You've got some holy breast-milk on your chin . . . . a little to the left . . . . you got it.]
Christianity is, above all else, a moral system. And morality, at least in its most commonly accepted forms, is two parts altruism, two parts common sense, and one part not murdering people. The practice of living in and focusing one's attentions on the moment is advantageous for any [reasonable] moral system because it takes the focus away from the self and places it on others. Ooh, selflessness! I wonder where we've heard that before? The Buddha? Jesus? Ayn Rand? Gandhi? All but one are correct.
The third lesson from this morning? All chapel speakers, if they want their points to be remembered by the student body, should sprinkle their speeches with stories involving squished and/or sopping squirrels. Squid-burgers. Superfluous statements. [How's that for alliteration?]
Oh, and lesson four. Until further notice, skip chapel when James plays.
"Keep near me and you will be safe."
Daedalus
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12 comments:
I'd like to take a moment to defend church camp. Having spent 14 odd summers there, the music is usually fantastic because our camp was sponsored by NNU. Not to mention the fact that 7 in 10 kids at those camps are there because 1. They wanted to go to camp, 2. Their parents wanted them to go to camp, 3. Their friends are going to camp, or 4. They want to go see Jesus on a hill. None of which involve much to do with the opposite sex (I distinctly remember the boys always having cooties).
Another small matter of interpretation: In my own experience with people who rely on God to make every decision in their lives, I have found that it isn't sheer laziness, but the lack of desire to make choices. This way it works to have the devil as well. Case in point- If you refuse to make your own choices and something good happens, it was God's will; however, if you refuse to make your own choices and something bad happens, it was because the Devil is throwing obstacles in your path. This way there can be no confusion about who carries the responsibility because it squarely rests anywhere but on you.
Finally- Where are my gold stars, Daedalus?
I express my feelings on this post by quoting the immortal words of Elton John:
I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch
Oh the bitch is back.
Stone cold sober as a matter of fact.
I can bitch, I can bitch
`cause I'm better than you:
It's the way that I move,
The things that I do.
I entertain by picking brains,
Sell my soul by dropping names.
I don't like those, my god, what's that?
Oh it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back.
I agree that the sermon had some great things to offer and the music was terribly lacking. However, I haven't found James's ability to lead worship all that great in the first place. For once I read this and didn't cringe. Good job.
Hmmm... Didn't know God was a she...
Javaconnoisseur, you are right in your questioning. God is male. He's also white. And middle-aged. And upper middle-class. And slightly overweight. He has 3.18 children and drives a mid-sized SUV. He lives in a red-brick 2 story home on a quiet street smack dab in the middle of Suburbia, USA. He pays a Mexican kid who lives in the "other" neighborhood $15 a month to mow his lawn. He never tips over 10% and doesn't give change to homeless people. He never greets his Starbucks barista or looks them in the eye, and always orders a caramel frapp. He has a mint-condition, never been used library card, watches Fox News and stares at his secretary's ass when she changes the toner in the copy machine. Half of his phrases are prefaced with "I'm not a racist, but . . ." His mother lives in a rest home an hour away. He's too busy to visit more than once every two months.
I didn't realize that the gender of your deity mattered so much. . .
I guess I should have already known that Christianity is a faith for white men led by a white male god. My B.
If Amber/ Daedalus' use of pronouns is your greatest concern in regard to this blog, our school has some serious issues.
So javaconnoisseur, if god isn't a she, then what is she?
if you really think the binary gender system applies to god, or even that god created the binary gender system, i'd say you have a pretty narrow, limiting view of your god.
I don't see what the men with no hats video has to do with James' style of praise music..?
Wow it looks like the biting, sarcastic, undercutting tone of Daedalus is infectuous... My friend javaconnoisseur did not say that God was male at all. He (or she..) simply commented on the fact that Daedalus diverted from the common use of "He" for God. No need to rip him (or her) a new one. Remember, the purpose of this whole idea is to stimulate thought-provoking discussion. And while Daedalus does set a precedent for ridiculing things that he (or she) does not agree with, if anything good is to come out of this blog then we as readers must keep a very objective perspective on everything.
Julian:
I would not go so far as to say JC "simply commented."
The ellipses connote sarcasm on his/her part, implying that the use of the pronoun "she" was inappropriate.
Thought provoking discussion was sought after, however biting Eryn and my comments were. We took the obviously sarcastic comment provided by JC and brought to light the idea that many Christians have a cripplingly narrow view of their god. Thanks for gleaning that from our comments. [Perhaps this is the reason more young adults read Nicholas Sparks than Jonathan Swift.] Maybe next time we'll resort using bullets to outline our points, much as Daedalus had to a few posts back, so as to avoid confusion.
As for Deadalus' sarcasm being infectious - I'd have to disagree in my case. My sarcasm is the product of genetics and 22 years of careful training. I'll kindly thank you to not assert that my biting nature stems from the influence of Daedalus.
Julian-
You'll have to forgive the "biting, sarcastic, undercutting tone". However, you need to understand where the defensiveness comes from. Firstly, while laypeople may still refer to God as "he", in academia gender non-specific language is always used, whatever the subject matter. Even though "he" is the most commonly used pronoun in reference to God, that does not mean it is accurate. Secondly, if God is indeed gendered, that leaves one half of the population (the other gender) effectively marginalized. Surely you can understand the problems a woman might encounter if God is a "man". Gender inequality clearly still exists, especially on SNU's campus, which is why I so appreciate Amber/Daedalus' efforts and why I came to her defense.
Thank you, eryn, for appropriately replying to my post. I honestly did not intend to include you in my remark. I think that you presented your idea very well. I see where you are coming from and i totally agree. I was merely pointing out that jc did not say that the use of "she" was wrong. He/she just pointed out the divergence from "he" that was obviously intended to spark some sort of reaction. And dani, I apologize for implying that you learned your sarcasm from Daedalus. That was not my intent. I will kindly thank you to refrain from interpreting mine and others' comments in whatever way you see fit. It is not clear that jc was being sarcastic. And I was not including eryn when I referred to biting sarcasm. That's all you sweetheart.
PS. I have never read a Nicholas Sparks book, and I don't really know what you meant by referring to that... (uh oh, the dreaded ellipses. I must be connoting sarcasm.)
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