Greetings and welcome to the Tuesday Top Ten: my favorite moments from chapel this morning.
10. The Pow Wow advertisement video that took a classic SNL skit out behind the woodshed and and raped it harder than Thomas Jefferson did his kitchen maid. Don't do this to us again, SGA. Also, you do have some split ends. I'm a friend.
9. The Messengers carrying His Holiness off stage like a roll of old, dirty, flea-infested carpet. Seeing Brad carried away like a rag doll left me rejoicing. That is until I realized that his absence meant that the Messengers would be in charge. Maybe after Obama shuts down Guantanamo Bay he can send international criminals to SNU chapel services instead of waterboarding them.
8. The screech. You know what I'm talking about. It took about three minutes and five tissues to get my ears to stop bleeding. Maybe Messengers took over the tech booth too. . . . Pro of this technical failure? I couldn't hear them leading worship for three minutes. Which brings me to my next point.
7. The band. Oh God. How long has "Blessed be Your Name" been out? Six years. Is six years not enough time to learn to play a song with four chords in it? With at least an average level of proficiency? Oh, and on this note, Matt Redman: you have a moral responsibility to stop writing shitty songs that are simple enough for even shittier worship bands to play. I know you mean well, but you're doing more harm than you are good.
6. The band. Again. I've seen bad worship bands, and today's certainly ranks close to the bottom of my list, but if there is one rule that no worship band should ever break, it is this: Do not, for any reason, ever stop a song after you have started playing it. In addition to making for an extremely awkward moment, it makes you look unprofessional and unprepared. Excellence, people, excellence. Hell, after this morning I'd settle for a healthy portion of good old-fashioned mediocrity.
5. One-liners: "I need the hard stuff, Coke." So do I. Right now. So I can forget that I'm being forced to sit through this shit.
"It's a fiery passionate love that will flip over tables. . . " break dishware and wine bottles, spill dessert all over the floor, flip that bitch over the counter-top and fuck her senseless in a puddle of vintage red and chocolate ganache.
"They met me where I was." Where was that? A Lord of the Rings convention? You went as Gimli, didn't you?
"I've Bible-thumped them umpteen times." That's what she said.
4. Eminem, the Beastie Boys . . . . Messengers? Yeah, the rap was funny [and pretty fly for a couple of white guys], and so was the crotch-cradling, but if you're light skinned with no melanin and your name isn't Marshall Mathers, Robert Van Winkle, or Snow, you have no buisness trying to spit some lyrical eloquence.
3. Skits. My feelings about poorly written, poorly acted, and poorly produced chapel skits are well known, and just in case you were wondering, they didn't change after this morning. Here you go Shatner, act your way out of this.
2. Social dancing. Andrew, just in case you were wondering, the social dancing line was stupid. And it made you look stupid. And then you brought it up again at the end of your mumblings, which made you look stupid. Again.
1. The Messengers' hilarious attempts to put together a decent chapel program. I'm sure you've revolutionized nursery ministry and you're a big hit with the 8-and-under set, but we all hung up our Osh Koshes a long time ago. Seriously, we're in college. If anyone at OU presented a program as mistake-ridden, thoughtless, and poorly planned as the one you presented this morning, they'd be laughed off the stage and off campus. I can honestly say that I am ashamed to have the Messengers represent SNU.
Did Brad not preach all last year about "putting away childish things?" Can we now please put away the Messengers?
And now for some substance.
First, witnessing. 99.99999999999999% of witnessing should be done without the use of words. If you start talking about Jesus, chances are you're going to get tuned out. Remember that love is the greatest gift that Christianity has to offer the world.
Second, love. Loving others is one area in which Christians fail. Miserably. If Andrew was correct about anything this morning, he was correct in pointing out that the Christian church, especially in America, has a terrible track record when it comes to loving people in the way that Jesus commanded us to. [Which begs the question, "If we're not actively loving everyone around us, are we really Christians?"] Remember the poor, the widow, and the orphan? Yeah, those people didn't disappear in 28 CE.
Third, students should not be allowed to speak in chapel. It's hard enough to find a pastor who has anything meaningful to say, so why should we think that pastors-in-training have anything better to offer? Granted, I realize that there are probably a few students on our campus who could take the stage in chapel and say something intelligent, but the overwhelming majority of my experiences with student speakers have been negative [shallow, cheap, inane]. Please take off the training wheels before taking the pulpit.
Fourth, and last, believing, or not believing, in God should not be a decision made solely on the basis of how you have been treated by other Christians. Andrew said this morning that he spent a portion of life before SNU apart from God because of some negative experiences he had with a specific church congregation. Such reasoning is shallow and naive. The choice to believe or not believe in God is one that has drastic consequences for one's worldview, relationships, lifestyle, and favorite ice cream flavor, and it should not be left in the hands of everyday laypeople. [Because if you leave it up to the laypeople, you'll be a Half Baked type of person.]
Oh, I suppose I should mention in closing the only valuable piece of information presented in chapel this morning. There is a chapel committee meeting later this week. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what it's all about. If we want to fix the problems that plague our chapel services and bring a mite of respectability and thoughtfulness back into our religious gatherings, we need to take these chapel committee meetings seriously. Talk to the students on the committee. Tell them what you want to see changed.
We're paying for this shit, we ought to at least be involved.
"Keep near me and you will be safe."
Daedalus
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8 comments:
That chapel committee meeting sounds like an awesome idea... Are you going?
Chapel committee is a great idea! We just need to hear what the students want.
why don't you organize and put on a chapel "experience?" It could be fun and you are knowledgeable about music and God so I you could handle it...
First of all I have to say that the 10th reason you hate chapel was described in a very crude and distasteful manner. That Thomas Jefferson bit just reminds me of something a skin head with an IQ of about 14 would say. Perhaps you should expand your metaphors a bit.
Second of all I feel that you missed the entire point of the Witnessing Skit. You said-
"First, witnessing. 99.99999999999999% of witnessing should be done without the use of words. If you start talking about Jesus, chances are you're going to get tuned out. Remember that love is the greatest gift that Christianity has to offer the world."
That was exactly the skits point! I do not see how a semi bright person could miss that. As Christians we are called to witness to others by our actions. Not forcefully shoving down Jesus in people's throats. Charlotte did not even mention Jesus to Karen until Karen asked. How could you miss that?
I fear that you only look at the surface of things and are very shallow and judgmental. You see only what you want to see.
I challenge you to look deeper.
i don't think we've had a chapel service as bad as the one on tuesday.
i agree with most everything you have to say.
how were these people allowed to be in charge of an ENTIRE CHAPEL?! i was embarrassed for them.
chapels never fail to amaze me.
It's good to see some fresh faces. Welcome to the discussion.
As far as the chapel committee meeting goes, I obviously cannot commit to attending, as promising such would endanger my anonymity.
Linda: Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I think I'll pass on organizing a chapel. Unless, of course, Brad would let me do it Daft Punk style, complete with a mask and electronic voice.
Meg: I made no comments about the Witnessing skit other than the fact that I thought it was "poorly written, poorly acted, and poorly produced." I decided to comment on the subject of witnessing because the point was raised, not because I wanted to reflect on what the Messengers offered via their skit. You are correct, the skit did place the emphasis in witnessing on actions instead of words. However, it still painted a very unrealistic picture of how sharing the gospel actually takes place.
I don't think you actually want to be happy with Chapel. You judge it, and have done so this entire semester, before you even walked in the door. You complained about Messengers before you really even saw them in action. If you don't want to be happy, you never will be. End of story.
About the music. I actually liked it. Sometimes things just don't go the way you plan. Sometimes, mistakes happen. And when they do, you go on, which they did. Honestly, I didn't mind the mistakes. Yeah they were a little disruptive, but in a way they made it almost refreshing. Like I could relate to it better. It was more real- not so rehearsed that it was basically a sing-along show. My biggest concern with the music today was that people like you would judge it. And you did. As people who enter into a worship atmosphere with the intent to worship, sometimes we have to look past mistakes in the interest of communing with our God. I'm a musician and music enthusiast and if I let every little thing about worship music that I would prefer be different bother me, I would do no worshiping at all. I'm learning not to let things like the singing of a song I'm not fond of stop me from giving praise to my God. Oh well if it's out of tune. I'm out of tune sometimes too. Those people are not playing so you will admire their mad skills. They are leading in the communal giving of praise to God. It's not all about you, you know. And it's not all about talent either.
In regards to students speaking in chapel. You can't learn to do that without practice. Therefore there is no learning without doing. You are ignorant to think otherwise. I like hearing what my peers have to say. Variety is a good thing, and having students speak is a facet of it. And I know others who feel the same way. You seem to think that every message should be just for you. Again, ignorant. Not every person is the same; therefore not every word will speak to everyone. But you can choose to take from it what you can, instead of nitpicking their words apart.
All in all, I felt chapel was alright. There were some complications, but I can guarantee that they will be better prepared for it next time, because now they have experienced it. I do hope that there is a next time. It is nice to see what others are doing to reach out in the world.
For the record, they worked their butts off. At the very least, they deserve respect for that.
I think a chapel committee meeting is a very good idea.
I agree-Tuesday's chapel was probably the worst I've ever witnessed.
however....
rape jokes = not funny.
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